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The Last Horcrux is in a Rambaldi Device!

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Sep. 7th, 2005 | 04:16 pm

I had this idea that too many people were whining about the plot twists in the latest Harry Potter book, when everyone knows that the only real plot twist is an Alias plot twist. So I imagined what would happen if JJ Abrams wrote the last Harry Potter installment.



Harry is tied to a chair in Voldemort's secret lair.
HARRY: Wait. I have questions for you.
VOLDEMORT: You can ask my boss.
HARRY: Your boss? I thought the Dark Lord was the boss.
VOLDEMORT: Yes. Yes, but I am not the Dark Lord.
A woman enters and stands in front of Harry.
THE DARK LORD: I have waited almost eighteen years for this.
HARRY: Mum?

SNAPE: Harry leaked the intel to the DA and the rest played out exactly as you predicted it would. So congratulations, sir. The Death Eaters are gone.
VOLDEMORT: We shouldn't celebrate yet. As you know, there's much more work to be done.
SNAPE:I just wanted to let you know that phase one is complete.
(scene switch)
Neville is lying dead in the Gryffindor common room. Another, more evil looking Neville is talking with his grandmother through some sort of magical means. Something like a telephone but somehow...magical. And not out of context. Snape somehow interrupts this conversation.
SNAPE: Just checking in on our latest asset.
Polyjuice!Neville looks evil, steely, and completely unLongbottom-like.

Harry wakes up in Hong Kong completely inexplicably. He manages to contact the Weasleys, and Ginny apparates over
GINNY:We thought you were dead. They asked me to come back to . . . to explain.
HARRY:Come back from what? What are you talking about? (noticing her hand) Ginny... why are you wearing that ring?
GINNY: Harry... since that night... you were missing. You've been missing for almost two years.

Hermione and Ron are flying around in Mr. Weasley's car. They have just declared their undying love for each other.
HERMIONE: I love you, Ron. That's why I need to tell you something. Just so there's no secrets between us.
RON: Okay. Whatever it is, I can handle it. (jokingly) Just don't tell me you're a Death Eater.
HERMIONE doesn't respond; RON gets concerned.
RON: You're not a Death Eater, are you?
HERMIONE: I guess that depends on who you ask.
RON: Wait, I don't understand. Hermione . . . what are you telling me?
HERMIONE: Well, for starters, my name isn't Hermione Granger.
(Then a giant Hippogriff comes from out of nowhere and smacks the side of the car, knocking it down and possibly injuring the passengers. The book ends. Alex curses. Harry dies.)


Due to request, I illustrated a part of this imagined seventh book.

Almost 18 Years, part 1
Almost 18 Years, part 2

Phase One, part 1
Phase One, part 2
Phase One, part 3

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Comments {4}

kung-fu professor.

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from: thislittlelady
date: Sep. 8th, 2005 02:08 am (UTC)
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Oh my! The Phase One illustrations! Alex, you're a genius. I think I've told you that before. :P Hahahahahahahah I'm just imagining how you'd draw the Telling and Before The Flood scenes. :D Whooooooo.

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Alex's Comics

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from: jkvh
date: Sep. 8th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC)
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Before the Flood is going to be hard. Haard. But hopefully worth it. And I really want to include the scene you made up, especially as it includes Draco, and he seems like he'd be fun to um, draw...

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kung-fu professor.

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from: thislittlelady
date: Sep. 8th, 2005 06:09 am (UTC)
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Ooh, I'll be stoked if you draw that scene =D Draco!Ron Brawl! Yowzer!

(and now I question my sanity as I speak like that ... )

Heeee :D

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lafourchette

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from: lafourchette
date: Sep. 8th, 2005 01:06 pm (UTC)
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Ooh, I like the new ones. Though Dead Neville makes me sad...

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